A Taste of Black
by Shaymeless
Summary: In a no game au, Terezi struggles with her dislike of the new kid Gamzee while being pressured by her perfectionist mother to follow in her footsteps. She can't figure out why she's so strongly opposed to him, but for whatever the reason, it helps her later in life with frustration.
1. Chapter 1: Grey

"A Pyrope stands tall. Don't slouch, don't slump, and make sure you smile. No, not like that, for heaven's sake, Terezi how many times must we go over this?"

I'd heard this conversation a dozen times and I tried my best each and every single time, but my best was never enough. Mom never wanted my best, anyway. She wanted perfection, and I couldn't give that to her.

A Pyrope stands tall.

Pyropes are clever and smarter than their enemy and must show it.

A Pyrope never shows weakness.

Pyropes dominate the courthouse.

A Pyrope always gives their best.

Pyropes never take no for an answer.

It was pretty much the same every time, and she never wasted a day not telling me. But I knew what she really wanted to say. It was in her eyes whenever she took off her shades, the larger version of the ones I wore, only she didn't need them because she was disabled, she only wore them to match her clothing. It was in her voice whenever she gave me the Pyrope speech. It was always there in the back of her mind, even if she wouldn't say it.

A Pyrope shouldn't be blind.

A Pyrope would never allow this to happen.

A Pyrope wouldn't be such a disappointment to her family.

She never spoke it, but I knew she thought it. At least Latula had the good sense to go to college and get away from this hive. Well, that's what Mom believed anyway. I knew from Sollux that it wasn't the truth, not at all. In reality, she spent her time at the skateparks on the other side of Alternia. She was in love with a skater who was head over heels for her, from what I hear. If the guy hadn't been the brother of one of my closest friends, I would never have known what she was really up to. She was smart not to tell me directly. Mom would have been put me on trial immediately if she suspected I was lying for my sister. Luckily, I was able to dance around the truth. It was never a lie with me, but I knew different.

"Did Latula reach out to you? How is she?"

"She says she's fine."

Or

"When is Latula coming to visit?"

"She says she won't be coming home for spring break, something about studying for finals."

It was always true, in a sense. My sister _did_ tell me those things, just like I told my mom. I just happened to know the truth behind those words. And truly, I envied her. She got her chance to leave and she took it. I was still in high school, I didn't have the option to escape yet and mom was suffocating me with her pressure for me to follow in her footsteps.

 _A legacy of legislacerators._

That's what she wanted us to be, all three of us. That was what she believed Latula was doing, studying for the career field our mother was top notch in. That's what she believed I would do when the opportunity came.

For five sweeps, I had this drilled into my head. Even on my wriggling day, every sweep, she reminded me, "Happy wriggling day, sweetie. You're one year closer to being a legislacerator."

She wanted that for me, for all of us. I never knew anything else, and it got to a point where I started to believe everything she said.

A Pyrope stands tall.

I never slouched, never slumped.

Pyropes are clever and smarter than their enemy and must show it.

I didn't have an enemy yet, but I knew when the time came, I would be cleverer, smarter, and outwit them.

A Pyrope never shows weakness.

My blindness never bothered me anyway, so that was always easy. Learning how to use my other senses to my advantage, I was never seen as weak. I could walk through a construction site and exit without a single scratch on me.

Pyropes dominate the courthouse.

I knew I would, when the time came.

A Pyrope always gives their best.

I always gave my best.

Pyropes never take no for an answer.

And I never did.

For five whole sweeps, I tried to be the troll my mother would have been proud of had I not been blind. And it was tiresome, I will admit. From my friends' perspective, I really wanted this for myself. And eventually, I really did.

But that was because of _him,_ not her.

Halfway into my 5th sweep, I met Gamzee Makara.

It was during a LARP session, but he wasn't partaking in it. LARPing was one of the few indulgences I allowed myself to have when my mother wasn't around. Before the session had started, Karkat had showed up and warned us about his new friend he'd met a few weeks before. The guy was supposed to fit right in with us, and he made sure to be very explicit about us not mentioning any pets. Apparently, Gamzee's pet goat had ran away first chance it got when he turned his back to the gate and the boy was supposed to be really attached to it. I felt sorry for him. If Justice ever ran away from me, I would be devastated. I loved my komodo dragon more than I loved cherries, and I _really_ love cherries.

When he showed up later, he was calmer than I thought he would be. Mellow and.. dazed. His eyes looked glazed over, and he never seemed to stare at anyone for too long, almost as if he couldn't really see us. At the time, I thought he was just upset over his pet, even if he smiled through the introductions. Now, I know he was drugged up on sopor slime.

I remember my 5 sweeps old self walking over to him to shake his hand. He looked at me, nodded and sat down on the grass. For some reason, that bothered me.

"I'm Terezi." My hand was left in the air, outstretched, waiting for a shake back. I never got it.

His eyes just looked over my hand and he smiled in a goofy manner, nodding as he glanced down, seemingly more fascinated by the spots on his own pants than what I was saying.

"That's all nice." It sounded like he wasn't even paying attention.

"Do you LARP?" I was trying to be friendly.

"Nope."

"Do you do anything for fun?"

"Nope."

He looked like he didn't care about anything, and he was perfectly happy about it. It looked like.. he was happy doing nothing. And I couldn't understand that as a child. I felt like I had to rub it in, what I was dressed as.

"Well I'm LARPing as a legislacerator, and I'm going to be one when I grow up! Just like my mom."

"That's all nice."

I gave up on the conversation and went back to fighting with Vriska. But it still bothered me, at least for a few more days.

The next time I saw him, I was 6 sweeps old and he had just transferred to our school. Karkat had spent half a sweep trying to convince him to transfer. They'd started a deep friendship that the rest of us never understood. Well, I didn't at least. Karkat was still angry as ever, shouting like he was known for even with Gamzee. But Gamzee never seemed to mind, then again, neither did we.

That year, I had one class with him. And it was more than I could take.

He sat behind me in history. Every time a question was asked, I raised my hand. He never did.

Every time I answered, I was correct. He never answered.

And he never cared.

It wasn't like he didn't care because he didn't like school, it was just that he simply _did not care_. Gamzee never cared about anything, ever. While I was vying with Vriska for teacher's pet, he was taking naps. Every day it was the same thing.

And he never came prepared. No books, no pencils, not even a ruler.

One time he asked me what time it was, his finger tapped my shoulder, startling me. The school sweep was almost over and this was the first time he'd talked to me since our first interaction.

"Hey sis, you know what motherfuckin time it is?"

"I'm not your sister." Then I turned back around and paid attention to the lesson being taught.

And that was the end of that.

One sweep year later was the start of high school. We hadn't spoken much since, but I did see him around more often. Gamzee was always with Karkat, and Karkat was always with the rest of us. By now, everyone had gotten to know the taller kid pretty well and he was accepted easily. I didn't speak to him if I could help it. I also couldn't understand why I disliked him so much, but I knew that I did.

We didn't have any classes together that year, much to my relief.

About a month after school had started, I was left stranded. Mother told me I could walk home from now on, which I was perfectly okay with. The walk through the forest was calm and soothing anyway, and I got to sniff the flowers by the hive without her seeing me as 'distracted' and scolding me for it.

But I couldn't walk home that day because it was raining. It hadn't rained all sweep, so naturally everyone was thrilled, running down the street and jumping in puddles. I did not join them. No one really notices that rain has a strong smell, but I do. When I'm home and sitting on a tree branch, shielded from the drops, it smells lovely. But right now, it was an obstacle for me. The scent of rain was overwhelming, rendering my sense of smell useless. If I couldn't smell my surroundings, I couldn't get home. It didn't matter that I'd walked the same route for a month straight, I just couldn't think right feeling so vulnerable.

A Pyrope stands tall.

I was curled up with my back against the wall of the school and my forehead resting against my knees, trying not to burst into tears. With the rain drops cascading down my face, I don't think anyone would have been able to tell anyway.

Pyropes are clever and smarter than their enemy and must show it.

I was not clever right now. I didn't feel smart. I felt like an idiot for not even bringing an umbrella.

A Pyrope never shows weakness.

My outer shell was cracking under this sudden unforeseen dilemma. It was such a small problem and yet it was so big for me.

Pyropes dominate the courthouse.

How could I dominate a courthouse when I failed to conquer a little bit of rain?

A Pyrope always gives their best.

I was giving up.

Pyropes never take no for an answer.

There was nothing I could do.

I had not a clue of how to get home and I felt my chest tightening at this failure. Mother would be so disappointed if she saw me right now. It took me a few second to realize that I couldn't feel the rain on me anymore and there was a looming shadow over me. When I turned my head up, I could smell a strong grape scent.

"You look like you need a hand, sis."

One of his hands was holding a large umbrella, the other was extended to help me up. I ignored it and stood on my own, shivering slightly. It just came to my attention now that my hair was dripping wet and my clothes were soaked.

"I don't need your help." A Pyrope never shows weakness. I crossed my arms over my chest to hide my shaking hands.

"That's all up and motherfuckin okay." Gamzee gave that lazy wide smile, handing me the umbrella. "There, now I'm not helping you. You can all hold it while we walk, sis."

"I'm not your sis." But I started walking anyway, and he started to follow alongside me. It was silent for the entire walk. I didn't say a word, but he was humming the entire time. I never asked how he knew where I lived. I never questioned why he walked me. He never asked why I was crying but I knew he knew.

When we got to my hive, I handed him back the umbrella and went inside without another word. But the second the door closed, I ran upstairs and looked at him from one of my hidden branches, watching him leave. The smile never left his face, but it left me more confused than ever. I was still sitting on that branch an hour, trying to figure why he did that when my mother came up and looked at me. I could feel her piercing stare through both of our shades. She was quiet for a full minute.

"Stay away from that boy."

And then she left.

That day, I didn't question why she wanted me to avoid him, but I told myself I would.

That day, I was so wrong. I didn't know what would happen in the sweeps to come.

That day, she told me to stay away. She didn't ask me what I wanted. She didn't ask me if I wanted to be his friend (even though I didn't), because to her it didn't matter. If I had told her I wanted to hang out with him, she would have told me **no.** And it would have been the end of that discussion.

But as I grew older, I learned something. I learned that she instilled a very important motto in me. One that I would end up using against her.

Because despite what she told me, despite her disapproval of Gamzee, I found that I would end up going against her word, against her no.

Because Pyropes never take no for an answer.


	2. Chapter 2: Coal

There's nothing better than having a secret you enjoy. A secret you get to turn to when you feel like escaping the harsh reality of having a mother whose expectations you'll never be able to live up to. A secret that could make the inadequacy you felt at being blind and disabled go away in favor of better emotions, emotions that make you feel alive and tingling with the sensation that everything will be fine. A secret that fills a hole, a void you never knew you even had or thought it was possible to have.

Gamzee Makara was my secret.

It must seem so odd that someone I felt such dark emotions for could make me feel so light, and I definitely didn't know it could happen, but it did.

My second sweep into high school was also my last sweep. Half the sweep would be spent with one set of a schedule, and then the second half would be the last half, and then I would be off to college. It was funny how life passed you so fast. As a wriggler, I always told myself I wanted to just grow up already so I can do all the things Latula was doing. I wanted to go out with friends and stay over their houses (which was rare for her, now that I think about it, since mother was so strict. I think the reality was that Latula just snuck out a lot, and I never noticed the difference). I wanted freedom and to leave without having mom's piercing stare follow every move I made, or hear her disapprovingly point out every mistake I made.

I dealt with it, though. I found my escape. I found my secret.

As a kid, I hadn't really known what was happening with me and what I was feeling for Gamzee. I didn't know at all. The closest thing to hate I'd ever felt was the anger that built up whenever mom belittled me and then made it seem like she was trying to help me in the long run. I absolutely _hated_ that. Not her, but that. There is a fine line between constructive criticism and bullying, even if it is coming from an adult.

Anyways, after the incident with the umbrella, I made it my mission to seek out Gamzee more. If I knew for a fact that Karkat was going to be with us, I asked personally that he invited Makara, whether he already did or didn't. It was certainly puzzling to them both, given how I had straight up almost ignored him for two sweeps straight. This turn around must have been mind boggling, and I was confronted about it one day.

But not by my eventual-kismesis. I was graced with a loud questioning by Karkles himself. The three of us were at Karkat's hive. His dad wasn't home, which was probably a good thing because Mr. Vantas was a sweetheart and would probably faint if he ever heard how much his son cursed.

Alright so maybe not. Karkat wasn't the best at hiding his vulgar language, but I'm sure his father didn't approve of it at least. He gave sermons in the town square with Nepeta's mom. There was a running bet amongst us about when he would tell Karkat that he was probably banging her. Don't get me wrong, we all thought they were an adorable couple, but Karkat was as blind to it as.. well.. as me.

Ha. Self disability joke to make myself feel good. Funny right?

I'm just kidding. But I really do think they are cute together. And I really did have a bet placed on when Karkles would find out. He still saw them as just 'working together'. I had my money placed on the end of this sweep, hopefully in time for 12th Perigee's Eve.

While we were in his respiteblock, Karkat being on his bed and me laying on the floor, Gamzee decided to go use the bathroom. The very second he was out of hearing distance, Karkles decided to whisper, or rather talk at a normal volume instead of shouting.

"What's up with you?"

"What are you talking about?" I raised an eyebrow, sitting up.

"You haven't said more than ten fucking words to him since you've met and now all of a sudden you want to be his best buddy."

"First. No. That's a horrible concept I want no part of. His friendship." I shuddered at the thought.

"Then why have you been hanging out with him all of a sudden?" He had a suspicious tone to his voice, as he very well should have. But I wasn't going to tell him why.

"Why do you care?" Now that I thought about it, he was being a little too protective. My own suspicions were raised.

A moment of hesitation.

"I don't."

"Yes you do."

"No, I don't."

"Yes, you do."

" _No_ I don't."

" _Yes_ you do."

He stared me down. I could sense it. I pushed my shades up to the top of my head and stared back at him, or at least I hoped I was, with my bright eyes. He absolutely loathed when I did that.

I knew he turned his head away when I heard an angry grunt. With a grin on my face, I pushed the shades back down and laid back on the floor once more.

"So are you going to tell me why or not?"

More silence. I suddenly realized I could smell cherries.

Cherries. Red.

He was blushing.

Karkat was embarrassed.

Oh. Oh. _Oh._

"You're in a quadrant with him."

More silence.

"Oh my gog, I'm right!"

He hissed at me.

"Keep your voice down! Yes, okay? Fuck."

The grin on my face widened and I cackled.

"Which one?"

I could just feel the annoyance rolling off of him, sarcasm on his tongue.

"Which do you think?"

"Do you _really_ want me to answer that?"

"Fine Terezi. If you absolutely must fucking know, we are moirails."

I was quiet for a second, still grinning. Good for him.

"Good for you."

"What's good for my motherfuckin karbro?"

Gamzee took that moment to come back into the room, to which we went silent. I knew Karkat was glaring at me for putting him in this spot, but I just shrugged and smiled in amusement.

"Nothing. Let's continue with the movie."

And just like that, we went back to watching, or rather I was listening, to the romantic comedy Karkat had picked out. Well one of them. It was the third one today, really. We'd been here for the entire day. It was the weekend, no point in going back home to mom and suffering when I can just enjoy this. Even if Gamzee was here, it was my idea to tag along with them.

Although now it did make sense why they spent so much time together, now that I knew the true state of their relationship.

After the movie was over, I decided to head home. Yawning, I stood up and said my goodbyes.

"I'll see you tomorrow at school." I was really addressing Karkles, but you could imagine my surprise when, a few seconds after I stepped out the front door, I heard someone else behind me. And from the smell of purpleberry blast, it wasn't my short shouty friend.

"And what exactly are you doing?"

I could almost hear the smile in his voice when he responded.

"Just thought I would up and walk you home, sis."

"Don't."

"But I will."

It took a lot of my willpower not to growl at him, and I nearly succeeded, except he chose that moment to sling his arm around my shoulders.

You could imagine how well that went over with me. I grabbed his hand and forced his arm away. But instead of a normal reaction, like silence as he normally gave, I heard a chuckle instead. A goofy chuckle. And then the quietness I was accustomed to.

It was only when we reached the forest around my hive that I realized he'd been silent for the entire walk. He wasn't even humming like last time. Briefly, I wondered what was going through his mind, but I didn't have to wonder long because he decided to speak up.

"Why are you doing this?"

I really did have to stop walking in my tracks because I had no clue what he was talking about whatsoever.

"What?"

"Why?"

This was starting to irritate me.

"Why what? Be more specific."

He paused a second, as if deciding the right words.

"Why are you always around me now? I know it's not because you wanna up and be my friend or something like that. You're still just as distant, sis. So what's up with that? Why are you doing it?"

Oh. That's what he meant. I.. Did not know how to answer him. It wasn't an easy thing to admit, that I wanted to be around him as a way to spite my mother. Then it would no longer be my secret, my little escape.

But I also wasn't a liar. Well, what I did to my mom was extending the truth a bit.

"It's going to sound stupid. And I'd rather not embarrass myself in front of someone I don't even like."

"So you dislike me."

"No, really? What was your first clue, Troll Sherlock?" Even I could hear the sarcasm in that one, but instead of being hurt, I could have sworn I heard a grin in his next few words.

"Is there a motherfuckin reason why?"

That got me. I stayed quiet.

"Well sis?"

"Don't call me sis."

I felt him take a step closer to me. Automatically, I took a step back, face turning a bright shade of teal.

"Sis. Why don't you like me?"

Another step. Step back. Back hit the trunk of a tree.

"Because you're annoying as fuck."

"That the only reason?"

"No."

"Wanna tell me?"

"Not particularly."

He paused and I could feel the tips of his fingers slip off my shades, then his gaze.

"You know you're an asshole, right?"

I raised an eyebrow. What?

"What?"

"With the way you've been treating me since we were wrigglers. You're an asshole."

Okay so maybe I was. I just didn't like him. Okay?

Wait a minute. He insulted me.

Gamzee Makara just insulted me. Did that mean…?

"What are you trying to get at?"

"I don't motherfuckin like you either."

My eyes went wide, and before I could say something, he pressed his lips to mine.

There's nothing better than having a secret you enjoy, except maybe, sharing a secret with someone else.

So as it turned out, Gamzee had a caliginous crush on me just as I did for him. Only, he didn't let it be so obvious as I did. In fact, I would never have known if he hadn't kissed me.

But after that day, we both agreed it was best to keep it a secret. My mother would never let me out of the hive again if she ever knew, and there was no way to guarantee our friends would ever keep it to themselves. The hardest person to keep it from was probably Karkles, and that was because we hung out the most when he was around.

And we never hung out alone. That was one of our rules. We had a few, actually, to keep ourselves from getting caught.

Never hang out alone. We always needed to be around others.

Never tell anyone.

Nothing more than kissing.

It's funny now that I look back on those rules because we ended up breaking _every single one of them_ by the end of the sweep. And we did get caught, yes.

But that was in the last few days of school, right before we graduated.

To be fair, it was our fault entirely. We hadn't been careful enough (right, because not following our rules would go so well for us).

A few days before the end of our last sweep of high school, we did what we normally do: hang out with Nubs.

Only, this time, we did something risky.

In the living room, we all crowded together on the couch and, like every time before that we've hung out, watched a romcom.

He didn't own much else in the area of cinema.

The movie sounded decent enough. We laughed when something funny happened, aw'd when it was called for. After the first half of the movie, I could hear Karkat sniffle and turned to look at him with a grin on my face. Apparently, Gamzee did the same (with his trademark smile of course) and that drove him to get, flip us the middle finger, and go to the bathroom.

Approximately five seconds passed with us just sitting there before I could sense him staring at me.

"What?" I frowned.

"Do you know what today is?"

Honestly, I hated when he did that. He always asked stupid questions that I had no answe- oh.

Oh. I do know what today is.

I'm.. actually surprised, really, that he knows. Today marked our blackversary. We'd been in a quadrant for half a sweep now.

Apparently he could tell that I did know from the look on my face because next thing I knew, our lips were locked and he was on top of me on the couch, biting my lip, then my neck. This was a dangerous game to play considering we had about two minutes before Karkles came back, but for that moment, all reason left my mind. Things always moved fast when we were together. My legs were around his waist and I could feel his lips at the base of my throat when he stopped.

I was breathing heavily by now and furrowed my eyebrows.

"Gamzee..?"

He paused and then bit me but I could tell he was nervous about something from how soft the bite was.

"I hate you."

My breath hitched in my throat. I knew I'd started to feel darker for him but we never moved past saying 'dislike'. Well, until now.

"...I hate you too." My lips were curled in a grin and I felt his lips do the same on my neck.

We stayed there for a second before the mood was shattered.

"What THE _FUCK_!"

Karkat was back. Time for an explanation.


End file.
